On Missing and Wanting, Change and Rain

Current song in head: Drive-in Saturday -- David Bowie
Current mood: frustrated/antsy

Feeling super restless at the moment. I have all these little projects going and no motivation/patience for any of it right now. I really miss having Hayley and Rich around all the time, close by, for girl talk and such. I know they're still there for me, but I miss contact. I miss hugs and cuddling (not necessarily from them, just in general). I miss frolicking on campus.
I miss being able to pay attention to something for longer than five minutes. I miss my drug-free brain, in general. Minus the severe depression, of course.
There are certain people that I am really regretting not getting to know better. I feel like it's too late to try now and I'm kicking myself for being such a chicken shit for the past few years. I still don't understand why certain people would want to talk to and spend time with me. I don't think it's a self-esteem thing, honestly. I don't know how to explain it. I guess I never understand these things.
Timing can be so frustrating. I'm so glad that the old Kat is slowly coming back, but in some ways I feel like it's too late to enjoy certain things and get to know some people. If that makes any sense... I know I shouldn't look at things that way. Really, I'm much more positive now, than I thought I'd ever be able to be again. I'm really super proud of myself for that.
I've come a very long way. Looking back at the Kat From Two Months Ago is weird. It's hard to believe I'm the same person. I guess in a lot of ways I'm not. It's nice to have confidence again. It's great to find myself smiling about practically nothing. It's great to be surrounded by people who really love and support me. Mature, caring people. Those are important people to have in your life, kids.
When I was in the hospital, I kept telling myself 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and I was scoffing at it. I'd never felt so weak before; so helpless and lost and pathetic. Well it didn't kill me and I am much much stronger for it. Smarter and more mature (hopefully) as well.

On a completely different note, why do people try to make rain scented stuff?? The smell of rain cannot be duplicated. Think about it. (I did for quite some time yesterday :-P)