On Missing and Wanting, Change and Rain

Current song in head: Drive-in Saturday -- David Bowie
Current mood: frustrated/antsy

Feeling super restless at the moment. I have all these little projects going and no motivation/patience for any of it right now. I really miss having Hayley and Rich around all the time, close by, for girl talk and such. I know they're still there for me, but I miss contact. I miss hugs and cuddling (not necessarily from them, just in general). I miss frolicking on campus.
I miss being able to pay attention to something for longer than five minutes. I miss my drug-free brain, in general. Minus the severe depression, of course.
There are certain people that I am really regretting not getting to know better. I feel like it's too late to try now and I'm kicking myself for being such a chicken shit for the past few years. I still don't understand why certain people would want to talk to and spend time with me. I don't think it's a self-esteem thing, honestly. I don't know how to explain it. I guess I never understand these things.
Timing can be so frustrating. I'm so glad that the old Kat is slowly coming back, but in some ways I feel like it's too late to enjoy certain things and get to know some people. If that makes any sense... I know I shouldn't look at things that way. Really, I'm much more positive now, than I thought I'd ever be able to be again. I'm really super proud of myself for that.
I've come a very long way. Looking back at the Kat From Two Months Ago is weird. It's hard to believe I'm the same person. I guess in a lot of ways I'm not. It's nice to have confidence again. It's great to find myself smiling about practically nothing. It's great to be surrounded by people who really love and support me. Mature, caring people. Those are important people to have in your life, kids.
When I was in the hospital, I kept telling myself 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and I was scoffing at it. I'd never felt so weak before; so helpless and lost and pathetic. Well it didn't kill me and I am much much stronger for it. Smarter and more mature (hopefully) as well.

On a completely different note, why do people try to make rain scented stuff?? The smell of rain cannot be duplicated. Think about it. (I did for quite some time yesterday :-P)

Current song in head: Money Maker-- Rilo Kiley
Current Mood: apprehensive/grateful

I do not want to go to work! I want to stay at home and play! *pout*
On the other hand, money is pretty awesome (unfortunately).

My time at Lehigh was pretty fabulous. Lots of great conversation and an interesting...revelation? I miss people there and it was nice to see them. It was also super nice to be able to give the boys/Berc some money towards my crushing debt. A $45 step in the right direction. Finally.
Hayls and I had a dance party and listened to a couple versions of Sexual Healing (a song that some would say aught to be my anthem :-P). We took a walk around campus to cool off and we took a gander at the projects in Candler Ullman, which was really neato and totally encouraged my extremely strong desire to be an artist.
Hayls decided that we should do something on campus that we might never be able to do again, so... you know those new fountains in front of the Memorial building? Well, they are quite cold when you run through them... Tee hee! I've wanted to do it since they installed them, and now that's a big ol' check mark! I highly recommend it, especially on a hot night. ;-P
We talked to Little Tom and Mike for a long while in the kitchen of the Green House, which was quite lovely. The next morning I had breakfast at Dunkin Donuts (fuck yeah!) with Sedale. Again, lovely time and conversation. He is so incredibly sweet, it's hard to believe he really exists sometimes. He even treated me to my 65 cent donut!
I sincerely wish I could visit all the time between now and commencement, but, alas!, I am now a productive member of society and no longer have nothing but free time. I do, however, have gas money now and Mondays and Tuesdays off, so... yeah. If you wanna see me, you know where to find me/ when I might need to be put up. :-P
Laters.

ps, My real current anthem is Breaking Up by Rilo Kiley... Great song!!!
pps, In fact that whole album, Under the Blacklight, is pretty damn fabulous. Give it a listen, will you?
ppps, Apparently Indian cricket now has cheerleaders... How scandalous!

Hearts, Stars and Rainbows

Current song in my head: In Dreams (FotR OS)
Current mood: shiny

I missed the old Kat.

I'm glad she's come back. She's much more fun, and definitely much prettier colors. :-P


ps, The cat is snoring. Hee.
pps, I made almost eighty bucks last night. First night on the job = not too shabby, kids.
ppps, Sir Poncy Pyewacket now has some crazy old man hair and a monocle. In case anyone cares.
pppps, I care.

And then there was blog....

Current song in head: Silver Lining-- Rilo Kiley
Current read: The Red Tent-- Anita Diamant
Current Mood: ?!?


So, I've decided, what with this 'new life' and all, I might as well start a new blog. Why? Cuz I can, I suppose. I've been thinkin' about it for a while and I wish I'd started sooner, because I've had a lot on my mind and, up puntil Saturday, have been spending most of my time by myself. Now that Jess is back from Roma (bearing some frickin' sweet gifts!) it's better. She's currently watching The Exorcist, which I happen to think is a pretty awful movie.
So, what, you may be asking yourself, is new in Kat Land? Well, today I FINALLY got a job! After months of unemployment, I am once again going to be a server (because apparently, that's all I'll ever amount to :-P). I'll be working at the historic Railroad House in Marietta; a short bike ride away (woot!!) I start training in a little bit, actually. Crazy, considering I applied this afternoon.
Hm, what else? Yesterday we went to Roots for some produce and then saw-- are you ready??-- BILL NYE THE SCIENCE GUY speak at Elizabethtown College for Earth Day. That man is awesome with a capital AWESOME. For serious, he was great.
I have lots of little projects going at the moment, which I'll write about later, and lots more I want to do. Basically, I've decided I want to be an artist. Like, for a living. This, however, takes money, so I gotta work on catching up financially before I can really start crankin' stuff out. Hayls was awesome enough to introduce me to Etsy, which I think may be the best thing ever (aside from, mayhaps, Gizmodo). So, now that I have a job I am feeling much more encouraged as far as that goes.
I've also been putting a lot of thought into what I want to do down the road, which I will also elaborate on later. It will be supa fab gawjus, just know that. :-D